Image from Wikipedia

I was saddened to learn of the passing of Charlton Heston last yesterday. He wasn’t just a star of classic movies to me; I actually met Mr. Heston years ago and can attest to the fact that he was a courtly gentleman in the old tradition.

How we met

Sometime in the 1990s while I still lived in Los Angeles, I attended a fancy fundraising dinner as the “date” of my friend, comedienne Kathy Buckley. Neither of us had a significant other at the time, so she gave me a treat by letting me accompany her to the chic event.

The soirée was to raise money for an organization for the deaf. Being deaf herself and an insanely compassionate motivational speaker who gives a lot of herself to worthy causes, Kathy was the keynote speaker. As such, we sat at the head table with Charlton Heston and his wife, and the master of ceremonies, whose name I won’t mention, and his wife.

The reason I won’t mention the MC’s name is that he was quite famous in the 1970s for playing a cool and kind TV dad on a very popular sitcom that ran for years. Had he acted appropriately that evening, I would be happy to mention his name. But because of his behavior that night, I neither want to give him any publicity, nor do I want to ruin the memories of people who grew up watching his show.

From cool to uncool in a flash

To set the scene for the evening’s events, you have to understand where I was coming from at the time. I was the rabidly left-of-center executive director of an organization I founded to provide childcare for homeless children. (That’s how I met Kathy. She volunteered with the organization.) As a card-carrying liberal, I came to the dinner table that night prepared to absolutely hate Charlton Heston for his outspoken opinions about guns. I sat directly across the table from him, so I expected to squirm all evening from being in such close proximity to this person who embodied everything I detested.

In the meantime, on my immediate right was TV Dad. I thought, “How cool that I get to sit next to him!” After only a few moments, however, I realized, not so cool. Cranky beyond belief, this icon proceeded to not only complain about everything he could think of, but was abusive to his wife in the process. I initially tried to make conversation with him, but not only did that prove to be impossible; I didn’t even want to after just a few minutes of listening to him be completely obnoxious.

The old don’t-judge-a-book-by-its-cover thing

To escape, I had no choice but to focus my attention across the table toward Charlton Heston. And it’s a good thing, too; because that caused me to have one of the biggest lessons I had learned up to that point in my thirty-something life: DO NOT judge a book by its cover. As I listened to Mr. Heston speak, I was absolutely enraptured by his manner and the way he made everyone, including the show-biz nobody sitting in my chair, feel completely at ease. I don’t remember anything he said that evening; I just remember the way he said it and the kindness that radiated from him. As a result, sometimes (I wish I could say it was all the time) when I’m tempted to judge people before I know all the facts, his face pops into my head. And his death won’t diminish that.

So I say farewell to a man who gave me — and maybe many others over the years — an important life lesson. Goodbye, Mr. Heston, we’ll miss you.

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A final note: Obviously, I had no idea who Mr. Heston really was before I went to that fundraiser — and even after, although my opinion had changed. For example, I had no idea he was a civil rights activist, which I found out today while researching photos for this post.